iAm a Web Host
by seddie4thewin
Summary: Carly and Freddie have a bet and if he wins, he gets to be in front of the camera for a whole show. Set in a secret Seddie universe. Will they let anything come out on during the show?


The three friends had stopped at the Shay apartment after school to do homework, get a snack and start to plan the next installment of iCarly. They were in the soundproof studio to afford themselves some quiet since Spencer was trying to teach himself how to play the saxophone to impress a potential girlfriend.

Of course, Sam and Freddie were arguing. He had been preaching to her all day about the importance of picking the right classes for their upcoming senior year. Sam blew him off, wanting to take the easiest classes possible and simply coast her way to graduation. It was her senior year and she was determined to do as little as possible. He, on the other hand, wanted to challenge himself and take honors classes to help boost his GPA in hopes of impressing colleges. As usual, Freddie couldn't comprehend why everyone else didn't do the same.

Not that anyone expected Sam to attend an ivy league university, but he wanted to see her be able to get into a good school not just attend community college. Hopefully she could get in somewhere near where he planned to go. Or at the very least to a school near one of the colleges where Carly was accepted.

"Can't you two go a whole day without bickering about something dumb?" Carly finally snapped when she came back from the bathroom to find them still at each other's throats. "Geez, you guys have been like this since before lunch time. It's getting really annoying."

"Psh. We've been fighting like this since we met." Sam snipped. "Nub!"

"Isn't it about time to stop arguing and make up? What set it off this time, something pointless and completely stupid, I bet." Carly hissed at them.

"This isn't something stupid or pointless, Carls. This is her future, college acceptance, all our futures. Sam never takes anything serious and thinks about the big picture. It's always about what's easy in the here and how. Do you know she wasn't even planning on taking a science class next year?"

"Well, neither was I." Carly huffed. "I hate science. I have enough science credits to graduate. If I pass chemistry this year, that is. Speaking of which, I have to study for a test and I'd like a little quiet!"

Sam cut in. "I'd love to stop fighting with the dork. But him being a dweeb gets pretty annoying most of the time. Especially when he talks about worthless chiz that doesn't mean jack to me. He might be in the running for valedictorian, I just want to get my stupid diploma and never have to near that place again. I'll worry about college later. Maybe."

Freddie threw his hands in the air in frustration. "Now you don't even want to go to college?"

"Freddie's right, Sam this is important stuff. Don't you think you convince yourself that maybe, just maybe, Freddie might be right once in a while and now is one of those times."

"Yeah!" He reiterated with emphasis.

Carly turned to the boy. "And Freddie, you should know after all these years that arguing just makes Sam dig her heels in. So when she gets like that, drop it. After she cools down, you stand a better chance of getting her to listen to you."

Both looked ashamed and silently agreed with her. Truth was, they both knew she had a point. And so did Freddie, if Sam wanted to go so far as to admit it. They also knew how to stop fighting, it usually came about the time they were alone together when they 'made up', which generally involved a lot of kissing.

"You guys have fought like this for how many years? Isn't it getting old? I'll bet you two can't go a full day without fighting about something. I swear, you're like an old, married couple." Carly huffed, unwilling to let it go herself.

Sam glared at Carly for the implication.

"Sure we can." Freddie defended. "Sam's one of my best friends. I'd like to not have to correct her constantly, if she'd just use her head once in a while."

Sam, of course, had to protest. "No we can't. He might be a friend, but that doesn't say he can't go a day without being an annoying, pretentious as . . . butt-face. And I say that in the most friendly manner." She smiled in a fake condescending manner at him and batter her eyelashes.

"Sam!" Carly shouted. "That's rude!"

"I smiled when I said it." She did the same smile and eyelash bat thing to Carly.

"Sounds like a bet to me, Puckett." Freddie huffed.

Carly rolled her eyes. 'Another Sam and Freddie challenge, great!' She thought to herself.

"Oh, I've got no dog in this fight, Fredlumps. This one's between you two." Sam stepped back and pushed Carly forward.

"Huh?" The brunette questioned. "How did I dragged get into this?"

"You brought it up. The more I think about it, I actually agree with Frednuts this time, we could go 24 hours without an argument of some kind. We simply like to bicker, it's just the way we are. And we're OK with that. This bet's between you guys. If Freddie can behave himself and not be a d-bag, he wins. If he acts like a know-it-all, spoiled brat, bawl baby, pissy pants, Carly wins."

"Hey!" The young man turned to his secret girlfriend and threw his hands in the air again.

"Exactly how does that mean a win for me?" Carly looked confused.

"Because if he acts like he usually does, we fight and prove you were right. And you know it's true, Fredbag."

"It kind of is, Freddie." Carly backed Sam's position. "You are usually pretty full of yourself."

"I do NOT act like a spoiled brat." He huffed and crossed his arms as both girls just nodded an unspoken 'see?' at him. All that was missing was a foot stomp. "Fine!"

"So what are the terms?" Sam asked. "You can't have a bet without the loser having to do something totally humiliating or stupid, a stunt unlike anything they would ever do."

The two brown haired teens glanced at each other.

"I can't make Carly do something humiliating." Freddie was, of course, convinced he would be the winner. "That wouldn't be right."

"Me?" The dark haired girl questioned. "I'm not the one who's going to lose. But I suppose it wouldn't be right for me to torture Freddie too bad. Sam's already done that enough times to last until we're all out of college. And grad school."

"I'm not the one who's losing, Carls!" He retorted, now arguing with another person.

"Alright! Enough you two!" Sam barked. "Geez, is this what it sounds like when the nub and I argue so much?" She poked Freddie in the head with her index finger. "No wonder you're so on edge and act like you need a Midol most of the time, Carls."

Carly looked embarrassed. "I - I don't. Sa-am!"

"Keep telling yourself that, buddy." Sam put her arm around Carly. "Keep telling yourself that."

Freddie nodded. "Alright, I've gotta go. My mom needs me home by six. Before I do, I'll tell you what I want when I win." Freddie smirked and touched his main camera. "And it involves this camera, right here."

Carly figured it would be a kiss on the show. While not the worst thing that could happen, she certainly wasn't looking forward to it. The rumors that it caused would be terrible. "Fine! If you win, I'll kiss you on the show." She agreed knowing it would never happen.

Sam knew that wasn't going to be the prize. "He'd better not even think of that." She threatened, just to keep up appearances.

"God, no." He defended. "I wouldn't ask Carly to do something embarrassing on the show. I just want to be co-host for a week."

"You want to be on the air with Carly? Seriously?" She would have to talk to him later about this.

"Not exactly." He raised an eyebrow. "If I win, er, when I win. I want to host the show with Sam." He had a plan and this would play right into his hands. "Just us, iCarly minus Carly."

"No way!" The blonde protested. "I'm not co-hosting with you and looking like a loser. The show will suck!"

"Yes, those are my terms. And not just the thirty minutes in front of the camera. I want to help plan the show, write the routines and stand right there with Sam the whole dang nine yards." He pointed to the production floor.

"Oh, Freddie. You don't know what you're asking for." Carly sounded condescending. "That's a lot of work."

"You guys are always saying I'm just the tech monkey, the stooge behind the camera, I want to prove otherwise to both of you."

"I've never said that." Carly huffed. "Besides, what would I do and who would run the camera and equipment?"

"I've said it!" Sam agreed with him. "Not only does he have absolutely no comedy talent, but he has a good face for radio." Of course, she didn't really feel this way, but him springing this on her made her prone to say anything.

Both the other teens ignored her.

"Not in so many words Carly, but you just implied it." He looked at the show's name-sake, trying to look as hurt as possible. "You girls have no faith in me. If I'm really your friend, you'll let me have this."

Sam made a suggestion. "I guess Gibby could be the stand in tech producer. I mean, any chimp can push buttons. Freddie proves that on a daily basis. And you can help, Carls. Just to make sure the potato doesn't muff it up too bad."

"Alright. Bet's on." Carly smirked at Freddie. "You'll see. But you'd better not let the ratings slip."

The two shook on it and Freddie headed downstairs to leave. Sam followed.

"Where are you going, Sam?" Carly asked. "We still haven't talked about this week's show."

"Eh, gotta go home and see of my mom got herself out of that swimsuit yet. When I talked to her after school, she was buttering her thighs. Ah, man that's right. I need to stop at the store for some more butter. Freddie give me a dollar."

The two teens met up in the hallway between the apartments. "You really think I'll have trouble helping set up the show?" He asked. "You will help me, right?"

"Carly's right. It is a lot of work. But you can do it, baby. You're the smartest person I know." Sam smiled and put her arms around his neck. "And besides, you have me there to help if you get in a jam. Momma's got enough talent for both of us."

"If we work together, we can do anything." He placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "But I will need your help to win the bet."

"You want me to collude with you against my best friend? Phew, that's really asking a lot." She shook her head.

"I'm your boyfriend!" He said too loudly for her liking.

"Shhh. And that's why I'm gonna help you. On one condition."

He questioned her with a puzzled look.

"If you get all annoying and I give you a key word, I want you to shut your yap. Kapeesh?"

He raised an eyebrow in a flirty manner. "Like a safe word?"

"Yeah. And we know all about safe words, don't we." She smirked. "The word is giraffe."

"Giraffe?"

"Right. If you get under my nerves and I want to strangle you, I'll say the word giraffe, you shut your pie hole and then I don't have to give you an argument."

"What if you get annoying?" He asked.

"Me?" She questioned. "When have I ever been annoying?"

He just rolled his eyes.

"Alright, alright. Your safe word for me is . . . , um, hippopotamus."

"How am I supposed to work the word hippopotamus into a conversation?"

"The same way I work in the word giraffe. We don't live next door to a zoo, you know."

"Alright. Hippopotamus it is." He shook his head. "Hey, I need to go in or Mom will send the cavalry."

"OK. Text you later, Fredbag. Love ya." She snuck in one last kiss before the Benson's door burst open and Marissa Benson appeared.

"Fredward! You're late!" She shouted. "It's 6:01."

"Love ya more." He said quietly and snuck a kiss at his girlfriend after his mother turned her back to them and stomped back inside her apartment.

* * *

It was decided that Friday would be the day that Sam and Freddie would not be allowed to fight. The school day was pretty much easy. The two had a few classes together but with Sam's habitual class cutting, they only saw each other during history, lunch, and a study hall. The only problem throughout the morning almost occurred during history when the class was watching a film on world war 2 and Sam kept making MST3K-esque comments, causing Freddie to miss points he wanted to hear and makes notes on. The boy held his tongue and it wasn't until lunch that the two again almost clashed.

Sam had ran all the way to the cafeteria and got her traditional double helping and was sitting at the gang's usual table by the time Carly, Freddie, Wendy, Brad and Gibby all made their way there. Her food nearly gone, she made no attempt to hide the fact that she was snitching food from everyone else's trays after they all gathered around.

"Gheesh, Sam." Freddie finally had enough and snipped when she took the last of his tater tots, popping all three in her mouth at once. "Aren't you full, yet?"

"Hey, they're good today. I can't help it. It's that new lunch lady back there. The food's actually been edible since she started."

"Maybe the rest of us would like to eat something today." Brad replied with a snarky tone. "You want my pudding cup, too?"

"Don't mind if I do." She grabbed the cup off his tray. "Thanks, Bradford."

"Sam!" Freddie shook his head. Sam could tell he was getting ready for a lecture.

"Awh, go eat a giraffe." She smirked, giving him a signal to shut up.

Freddie scowled and dug into his Jello before she got to it.

The remainder of the school day went well. Sam's afternoon nap in the library in lieu anything else kept the two out of each other's hair until they were going home.

They had no sooner stepped onto the private elevator when Sam took off her raincoat and shook the water all over her 2 friends.

"Sam. Jeezuzz." Carly whined. "You're gonna have my mascara running and we have the show after bit."

"My laptop!" Freddie shrieked and brushed at his bag. He had just bought a new computer and was very defensive.

"Relax butt munch, it's in a bag." Sam sneered. "I didn't throw it in the toilet."

"Why couldn't you take that off in the lobby?" He suggested and kept preaching about her inconsiderate habits as they entered Carly's apartment and noticed Spencer was missing.

The dark haired girl went up to her bedroom to check her makeup and Sam coolly went to the kitchen and got a glass of water, ignoring the boy's perpetual lecture. She wasn't using the safe word again, but she was about to shut his crap down. As Freddie continued to prattle on about getting wet and catching a cold, Sam walked toward him and it became obvious what she was planning.

"Sam. Sam. Don't you dare!" He gasped as she approached, preparing to give him a bath. "I'll shut up, I swear. Hippopotamus. Hippopotamus!"

Carly came down the steps in time to hear nothing more than the safe word. "Freddie! Shame on you! Did you just call Sam a hippopotamus?"

"He'd better not." Sam glared, if for no other reason that to make it look like they were behaving.

"No! Um, I - I was thinking about that goofy song about some kid wanting a hippopotamus for Christmas."

"Oh. And what exactly were you doing with a glass of water, young lady? You weren't going to . . . Sam!"

"I was just getting Fredlumps a drink. Relax, woman." Sam shrugged, trying to act innocent. "Didn't you say you were thirsty, Fredward? I'm only trying to be polite to my friends. Here you go, dude. Drink up." She handed him the glass with a flirty smile, unseen by Carly.

"Oh, right. The air's really dry in here. Thanks, Sam." Freddie plastered on a Cheshire cat grin after a fake cough and took a sip of the water. "Wow. I needed that. Oh, yeah, that's much better."

Carly just glared at the two for their conspiracy.

* * *

It was time for the show and it was getting obvious that Carly was going to lose, but she didn't care. Even if it was plain as day that the other two were conspiring against her, it was alright with her, although she couldn't figure out why they would do such a thing. Her two best friends weren't fighting and she was basking in the tranquility. The show went according to plan and the two victorious, secret lovers shared a few victory kisses when Carly went to pick up their post-show smoothies.

Sam was spending the night at Carly's and by the time Freddie went home after their evening of sitting around and watching TV, Carly conceded that Freddie had indeed won the bet. Sam snuck off while her friend was taking a shower and getting ready for bed to say goodnight to her secret boyfriend.

"Come on in, Sam. Mom won't be home for another hour." He opened the door for her quickly.

Once inside, she put her arms around his neck and kissed him. "Congrats, Fredbag. I guess we have to plan a show together, don't we? You'd better bring your A-game."

"Yep. And I've got some great ideas, too. We haven't done 'wake-up Spencer' for a while. And I had an idea the other week for a couple new things on 'what's that smell'. My mom got this gross new cleaning spray."

"I'm not letting you gas our friends with some nasty chemical your mom bought. Oh, wait it's just Gibby. But let's wait until tomorrow to plan the show. Right now, I'd rather do this." She stretched up and kissed him again.

When she returned to apartment 8-C, Carly was waiting impatiently for her. "Were you tormenting Freddie? I can still take back my concession. It's Friday for another twenty five minutes."

"Nah. We've got a web show to plan. I wanted to run an idea past him." Sam said with a shrug.

"OK. But how'd you get past his mother?"

"I guess she was working. Didn't see ol' crazy pants."

"Did you give him a nice goodnight kiss?" Carly teased.

"Huh? What? Why would you say that?" Sam panicked.

"I just think it looks like you two have been pretty chummy lately. You obviously conspired to win the bet. So you really don't hate the idea of doing the show with him. I just thought maybe you guys have finally decided to give into your true feelings that's all."

Sam blushed a deep red and tried to not look guilty, but her friend began to grow suspicious.

* * *

The next day, as usual, the threesome began planning for the next show, lounging around the studio.

"Alright, so we have 'what's that smell', then show the video of Lewbert falling on the icy sidewalk and spilling his coffee all over himself, we do 'wake up Spencer' and the clip of that girl from Canada who can blow bubble gum bubbles under water." Sam summed things up.

"That puts us about six minutes short." Carly ran through the itinerary once again on her notebook.

"That's almost as short as you, Puckett." Freddie teased Sam from across the room.

"Watch it, nub." Sam glared as Carly giggled. "And if I still wore a training bra, I wouldn't laugh at short people, Shay."

Carly turned red. "I do NOT!"

Freddie ignored the girls taunting one another.

"Freddie! Tell Sam I have real boobs." Carly whined.

"I, I - um, I really haven't formed an opinion one way or the other. Because I don't look at your chest." He tried to back out of the conversation he had been dragged into. "I know, how about the idiot farm girl skit?"

"Well, that would mean Carls has to appear on screen and I thought this was just us." Sam seemed disappointed. The idea of this being the Seddie show was a big deal to her.

"No, wait. Hear this out. How about instead of an idiot farm girl, we do an idiot cowboy?"

"My cowboy character isn't the idiot." Sam huffed. "He has deep intellect. You can tell by the mustache."

"Well, then. How about your cowboy can be smart and I'll play a stupid cowboy?" He suggested.

"You should be good at that. Alright." Sam cracked. "And for the record, as far as guys go, you're not exactly a tall drink of water yourself, dork wad."

Freddie grinned at her remark and was glad for their usual playful banter. Carly rolled her eyes.

They came up with some things for the sketch and stopped their brainstorming session only when Spencer came up and announced he was almost done with dinner.

"You staying, Sam?"

"We've met, right?" Sam smirked. "Like I'm passing up spaghetti tacos on a Saturday evening."

"Freddie?"

"Um, wish I could, Carls but I promised Mom I'd be home early."

"Time for your weekly tick bath Freddiekins?" Sam now teased.

Carly just shook her head and left the room to go downstairs.

"Thought she'd never leave." Sam grinned and pressed herself up against her secret boyfriend.

"Mmm, me too." He put his arms around her and kissed her. "Do you want to stop by after bit? I can tell mom we have to plan for the show."

"And she's not going to hose me down with tick spray or disinfectant or anything?"

"She'll probably be in bed. She has to go into work super early tomorrow."

"Alright, see you in about an hour?"

"Can't wait." He replied with another kiss.

It was an hour later when Sam left Carly's and went across the hall to the Benson apartment.

"We'll have to be quiet, my mom sleeps pretty heavy, but I don't want to take any chances." He warned.

"Don't worry, kissing's quiet." She whispered as they went into his room and shut the door.

* * *

The evening arrived for them to do their show. Carly vowed to stay off screen and help Gibby behind the tech station. Freddie had everything set up and Sam's remote programmed, all Gibby and Carly had to do was push the buttons on cue.

Freddie even started the main camera, set it for a pause and ran back to stand beside Sam.

"Alright you guys. It's time." Gibby told them. "In 5, 4, 3, 2, 1"

"You don't say the one!" The other three shouted as the show went live.

"I'm Sam!"

"And I'm Carly! No, wait. I'm Freddie!"

"And this is a very special episode of iCarly." Sam began. "A very nub-centric episode, if you get my drift." She pointed to he co-star.

"Hey!"

Sam pushed the top button on the remote and caused the lights to flash and the opening sequence to play.

"Don't worry our old buddy Carly didn't get her foot stuck in the bathtub or anything. She's as healthy as a horse and she'll be back next week." Sam explained the brunette's absence to the audience.

Over halfway through the show, with nothing else to do, Carly was reading the comments as they came in live. She nudged Gibby in the ribs and pointed to her Pear-pad screen. His eyes got wide. "Sam's gonna have a kitten." He whispered. "This is bad."

The current bit was over and on schedule, Gibby started a pre-recorded clip while the stars got ready for their cowboy skit.

"Where are you going?" Gibby asked his helper.

"I'm going to show Sam these comments. We have to get ahead of this."

"No. You'll totally mess up her timing and there's no telling what she'll say on the air."

"Put us on a five second delay, so we can cut out of we have to. And get the clip of Spencer being attacked by that canary ready, just in case."

Carly went over to the dressing area where Sam and Freddie were almost ready to go back to the floor.

"Sam. There's something you should see." She started quietly. "I don't want you to get upset, but you need to see this." She handed Sam her Pear Pad with the comments still streaming in.

Sam just looked puzzled as Freddie glanced over her shoulder. She scrolled through a few pages and quickly skimmed most of them. "Bunch of nubs."

"Less than a minute." Gibby warned.

Carly left and Freddie headed for the floor. Sam grabbed his arm. "Did you see that?"

"Yeah. We're a hit." He said. "I told you."

"No. All those people and their comments on us. We need to do something."

"Sam, please don't say anything nasty on the air. We just got a lot of viewers back after Gibby's wardrobe malfunction over a month ago."

"I've actually got a better idea." She smiled and stretched up to kiss him quickly.

"Um, baby, you know I love you, but I don't ever want to get kissed by someone with a mustache again."

"Guys! Let's go. We're back live in four seconds." Gibby called.

"Just follow my lead when it's time, OK?" Sam ordered.

The two did their idiot farm hand and cowboy sketch and by the time it was over, they had to start to sign off.

"So, that about does it for this week." Freddie looked into the camera. "Thanks for joining us on this weeks iCarly. And don't worry Carly will be back next week."

Sam had peeled off her fake mustache and taken off her cowboy hat. "That's right. But before we go, I just wanted to say how good of a job Freddie did in front of the camera. I might make fun of him and his crazy mother, but he's a good friend and I'm proud of him."

"Aw, thanks Sam." He said.

"And there's one more thing. For all you people who have been commenting on how "cute" we are together and posting chiz with the hash tag Seddie and all that chiz. Now I want you to pay attention." She got up close to the camera. "Really close attention." She squinted.

"Gibby, get ready to cut away." Carly whispered.

Sam took a big step back and pulled Freddie in close to her with both arms around his neck. He leaned down and their lips met in a loving and tender kiss.

They kissed for about three or four seconds and then parted. As they stood in front of the camera, still holding hands, they took a bow. "Goodbye." They said in unison. Freddie had set up a button on Sam's remote to cut the feed and he reached down and pressed it just at that moment.

Carly was standing beside Gibby mouth agape when he discovered what Sam had done.

"Hey. We're off the air. Sam, did you do something?" Gibby asked.

The two formerly secret lovers walked toward the tech cart. Freddie left go of her hand and stepped into Gibby's position. "I've got it from here, Gib. Thanks."

Meanwhile Carly had walked closer to Sam. "What. The. Chiz. Was. That." She swatted her shoulder with each word.

"Just gave the people what they wanted to see." Sam shrugged.

"With no explanation? They're going to think you guys are a couple now."

"They won't be wrong." Sam replied, simply. "You about done, Fredlump. Mama needs her after show smoothie."

"Just a sec, baby." He smiled at Sam, using a pet name in front of their other friends for the first time.

Carly was still in shock and staring at her friends when Gibby motioned her toward the door. Once on the other side, they looked back to see Sam had moved beside Freddie to be close while he finished post-production work. They playfully nudged each other a few times.

"They certainly are a cute couple." Carly smiled.

"I guess we can tell them about us now." Gibby finally said as he took Carly's hand in his.

**This wasn't meant to be a Cibby story but I just had to throw in that last line.**


End file.
